Waiting

“Waiting hurts. Forgetting hurts. But not knowing which decision to take can sometimes be the most painful…”

― José N. Harris, MI VIDA: A Story of Faith, Hope and Love

“Men trust God by risking rejection. Women trust God by waiting.”

― Carolyn McCulley

“…as long as nothing happens between them, the memory is cursed with what hasn’t happened.”

― Marguerite Duras, Blue Eyes, Black Hair

“Knowing someone isn’t coming back

doesn’t mean you ever stop waiting”

― Toby Barlow

“What we are waiting for is not as important as what happens to us while we are waiting. Trust the process.”

― Mandy Hale, The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass

And then, of course, with the blue sky comes the waiting.

In this painful process of waiting for the iridescent blue to disappear, my mind starts playing games with me. The waiting and the absence of words excruciatingly eats away at the corners of my mind. There are no clouds and no inspiring words to feed on…..

I know I have to trust the process of my current transition, but I cannot keep the worms from happily eating and digging deep into the past. They eat the words while I cruelly judge myself in the current state of the omnipresent blue sky that bars my escape route. I am stuck. I look up at the bright sun and make a silent wish for the worms to eat it all up and make it disappear into the blue.

I am lost for words.

(His words are lost)

We are lost in translation.

As I write the words my heart also turns blue.

How I wish I could erase my clumsy words and retrieve his perfect words.