Weight

a body’s relative mass or the quantity of matter contained by it, giving rise to a downward force; the heaviness of a person or thing.

a piece of metal known to weigh a definite amount and used on scales to determine how heavy an object or quantity of a substance is.

hold (something) down by placing a heavy object on top of it.

attribute importance or value to.

https://www.lexico.com/en/definition/weight

For a long time hereafter the clouds escaped my sight. I started to feel the weight pulling me downwards. I did not know what to do, and I let my head hang in order not to see too much. Eyes downcast. Too scared to face reality. But I had to somehow lift my head in order to see where I was going.

I suddenly notice the clouds from above as we slowly start descending downwards. The weight of it all is too heavy. I instinctively reach out for his hand as I have done what feels like a million times before. He sits non-responsive, cruelly showing no reaction. I am alone. No reassurance as we land on the barren earth. I am scared, like I always am before the wheels hit the tar. It is not a good landing. The plane jumps back up before hitting the solid surface beneath us. I feel the panic taking control of my body and soul. But I sit quietly, bravely looking down at my feet, trying to find the courage to get out of this vessel. The realisation that he left me long before he uttered the words transforms my body into a large mountainous rock. Its monumental weight makes the landing even more difficult. I should feel light – we are in my favourite city. The place of storms. A place I loved. But could not anymore, for it has stolen my rock; my mountain.

The storm is here.

Cape Town, November 2018

The camera became too heavy. I could not lift it up to face the clouds. The beautiful expanse above my head escaped me. My Mountain disappeared in the clouds. The lens was black. Uninspired. Heavy. Like that mountain.