Hope

“Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops at all.”

Emily Dickenson

“They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for.”

Tom Bodett

“Tears shed for another person are not a sign of weakness. They are a sign of a pure heart.”

 José N. Harris, MI VIDA: A Story of Faith, Hope and Love

“We are all the pieces of what we remember. We hold in ourselves the hopes and fears of those who love us. As long as there is love and memory, there is no true loss.”

Cassandra Clare, City of Heavenly Fire

I feed on the clouds, and cannot face the feeling of discomfort or weakness that comes with the cloudless sky. The blue lasted for a whole week. I waited in anticipation for the clouds to re-appear…..

My clouds arrived today.

The clouds rose up from the mist of our past and returned to cut through my clear, blue winter sky. With them they brought hope for the future, but also unexpected tears for the past. During my sunrise I looked into the clear, bright blue eyes that were much too real – not a dream – not a stranger’s – the eyes that were once (or maybe never), mine.

My heart aches as I look into the red, painfully real, bright blue eyes. This is not a dream. No fantasy. The very familiar blue is filled with tears of pain. I look into the blue and silently wish I could take away the pain and erase the past – I could make it disappear into my freshly formed clouds? But I don’t have the power to make the tears disappear, as I know from my tears that he is the only one who could do that. He has to find his own clouds. As I desperately search for the right words, and a way to take away the pain I selfishly hang on to the clouds that took too long to appear again. I cannot share my clouds anymore, for I’ve learnt that I desperately need them for my own survival.

My clouds have taught me to be strong. They have given me a taste of beautiful sunrises and orgasmic sunsets, all with promises of a new future on the horison.

I am absolutely calm, and struggle to comprehend my detachment.

It is unsettling.

I suppose the pain that I experienced has formed a thick scar that cannot hurt anymore.

Reality is cruel to us all.

Hope for the future is all we have.